if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!

The last five years have gone by so fast. I can remember when I first left home to come up to BYUI. We stayed in the condo in SLC. Jonny had just left for the MTC a few weeks before so we brought him lunch in the airport. Mac, oh I could only imagine how he must have felt. His big brother left weeks before and now his big sister was doing the same. What a daunting task it would have been to be the only one left at home. That night after we saw jonny at the airport we went and saw a Peter Pan movie that had just came out. I think it was "Hook" but I'm not sure. I never before felt so related to peter pan. I was terrified. I wanted to find my own neveneverland where I did not have to grow up, yet I wanted it to be at home. I did not want to leave my family like peter had. A sort of neverneverland for the walkers only.

The years went by. Freshmen, sophomore, Junior, Senior...and now super sr. My heart is now in Idaho. I never thought it would be. My home is here where my heart is. It's weird how things change. It's funny how people move on. I have had so many life changing moments in Idaho. I have met so many inspirational people. I have developed-hopefully-LIFE long friends. I am still Allison Lea Walker, but yet I'm so different from the Allison that wanted to live safe in Neverneverland with her family.

My life is…progressing as it always has, but for some reason that progression was much easier in the past. I’m scared I wont be good enough for the world. I’m worried I won’t be successful. I often wonder if what I want and should be doing are different things. I think I am not ready for this journey ahead. I am not sure I know who I am any more or who I want to be, I am afraid I will not reach my potential. Can I follow the path He needs me to? Am I doing what is right? I am afraid of what is ahead!